Julie Nierenberg

A writer, editor and author coach, I am inspired by the journey of love and release through my father’s end of life. In 2013 I published a book about our experience. Guided by my father's living example as an author and activist, I write to contribute to how we prepare, individually and collectively, to live and support the final chapter of life. I write to immerse in the moment and to experience the satisfaction that writing can bring. Oklahoma is the home of my roots. I lived in McCloud, Tahlequah, Oklahoma City and Tulsa for many years before a recent move to Toronto, Ontario. As a young adult, I meandered through a variety of career emphases in environmental and biomedical sciences before realizing I was called to be an educator. Following my heart into education of gifted children, I enjoyed nearly twenty years, first as a Whole Language, Spanish and art teacher and then as an administrator. With a growing love of children, I courageously became a parent, twice! The joy and purpose I feel in that role is a guiding light in my daily life. Now my two daughters are firmly on the paths of their own journeys through life; I thrill to watch them as they navigate their chosen courses. In 2006, I grew wings that took me all the way to Toronto, where I joined my life partner and soul mate. There, I reinvented my career to flexibly accommodate travel between the home of my family of origin in Oklahoma and my new home in Canada. I established my own business as a writer, editor, author coach and self-publisher. It has been my great pleasure to work with other writers as a partner in authorship, or as editor and coach, and I look forward to many more such affiliations. With each passing day, more topics and opportunities present themselves and I embrace them with gratitude. During the months, weeks and days leading up to my father's death, I was present as much as possible. I was with him when he transitioned from this earthly life in April of 2012, so very privileged to be at his side. Later, as my sorrow washed over me in waves, I began to write our very personal story, and I connected with his memory, integrating my grief, through that effort. In 2013, I published the story as a short book and included resources to support others facing end-of-life issues. Since the book's publication as "Daddy, this is it. Being-with My Dying Dad," I have reached out to many grief and bereavement support workers, hospice and palliative care chaplains and end-of-life advocates with an introduction to my book. I make many valued connections as I reach out with this purpose. With one such connection, Victoria Brewster, MSW, I am now co-writing another book on Death, Dying and the End of Life. We hope this book will offer a unique and comprehensive perspective, with multiple contributors sharing their end-of-life experiences.

Articles:

My Father’s Conscious Dying

My Father’s Conscious Living As Father’s Day approaches, memories bubble up of my beloved dad. I grew up feeling valued by him, and as a kid, I was always willing to do my part. I learned that when everyone pitches in a reasonable portion of the work around the home, it makes the chores go smoothly. When shared with others, work can be a fun enterprise. Daddy always asked me to be his helper as he worked at various chores around our home. One of my favorite jobs was washing the car with him. He made it fun to lather […]

What is a Good Death?

What is a Good Death? What constitutes a good death? Many among those who’ve approached death themselves, or assisted dying people, have contemplated this question and made suggestions on this subject. The following discussion of factors that support a good death is neither comprehensive nor thorough. There are so many divergent thoughts on the topic of a good death that an entire text could be devoted to that subject alone. But some fairly common themes emerge when one gathers such information. Dignity or a Sense of Control The word dignity appears again and again in the literature about a good […]

A Letter to My Daddy in Heaven

Dear Daddy, It’s been a long time since I’ve written to you. I miss doing that. We shared so many big and little things in our frequent emails and phone calls. Our conversations shrank the distance and connected us every day. Now that you’re gone from this earthly plane, I miss those exchanges dearly. Our subjects covered pretty much everything, because you held a non-judgmental space for me, always. You once told me that sharing the parts of my life that were hardest to disclose, my personal hurdles and heartaches, was a precious gift to you. When I finally got […]

End-of-Life Decision-Making Is a Peace-Finding Mission

Be present. Be prepared. Be clear. Since publishing a memoir about my dad’s end of life, I received an outpouring of support from others who experienced the loss of loved ones in their own lives. Many sent heart-felt comments and poignantly precious memories. Some sent books they wrote as part of their own journey with grief. I am deeply touched and honored to receive the offerings of each new connection. Some weeks, I’ve received so many such word-gifts that I feel like the “Keeper of the Stories.” This distinction draws me to a new purpose: compiling perspectives that inform others […]

End-of-Life Decision-Making is a Peace-Finding Mission

Using the Pen to Return from Grief

Since my dad’s passing in April of 2012, I’ve learned there are many, varied, and sometimes unusual, ways people find to support their grief and integrate the inescapable reality of loss. No single process is best for everyone. For my own acceptance and eventual comfort, I turned to the pen. His death was not unexpected. Stage IV cancer was diagnosed more than three years before Daddy died. Nor was the moment of his passing a sudden or traumatic occurrence. He died peacefully holding my hand. Nonetheless, I was traumatized, as I believe all who lose loved ones are, by his […]

Robin Williams’ Death: When Living is Hard

Robin Williams’ apparent death by suicide is especially hard for me to fathom. His jocular, insightful, heart-warming and spirit-lifting public presence brought much joy to my life. His creative expressions of talent and spontaneity inspired many throughout the world to bring forth their own unique artistic abilities. Robin had a profound influence on our society’s evolving sense of humor and on the art of being an artist. And he took that art to many new frontiers and extremes. “Robin, we love you and your many gifts. You will be missed.” Suicide. Bummer. What am I going to do about it? […]

Make Time Matter: A Lesson from My Dad

My father died from complications of bowel cancer, and I held his hand as he took his final breath. Being there, as hard as it was to experience, was a gift to me, and he told me that it was also a gift to him. He endured some very real physical pain and also the spiritual anguish of ending a life he loved living. Two years have now passed since we said good-bye. In the days leading up to his passing, my dad prepared us with lovingly chosen words and promises of eternal love. When the moment of death came, […]

Walking with Grief, Living with Purpose

Yesterday while walking in my neighborhood, I realized how alive and present my father’s spirit is in my life. He was an avid gardener and life-long admirer of nature, and I feel his presence reflected in the beauty and wonder of the outdoors, the sounds and sights of Spring. He was a daily walker and I feel extra close to him when I am walking. With each step I recall memories of the times we shared and “converse” with him on a heart level about new topics and issues that arise in my life. In life, I talked with him […]

Being-with My Dying Dad

For our last three years of father-and-daughter life on this planet, Daddy and I talked daily to be as close as we could be. Our time together was coming to an end. We didn’t know when that would happen; we just knew it was coming sooner than we wished. And then came the news: “There is nothing more we can do.” Daddy didn’t feel like dying. He felt full of life and longing to live. He had more to do, more to say, more to feel, to taste, to write, to experience. He was angry and sad, disappointed and confused, […]

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